


Better Than You Think

by LyriaBlackFrost



Series: Fool and Chariot [6]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 13:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17002266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyriaBlackFrost/pseuds/LyriaBlackFrost
Summary: The group is inflicted with despair, and, while a few of them manage to recognize and break that spell, others have a harder time facing their worst fears and memories.Ryuji was one of them.





	Better Than You Think

**Author's Note:**

> Look at me, giving poor Akira a break just to hurt my boy Ryuji this time...
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Everything went black in a second.

Akira opened his eyes, seeing himself in a dark room. Before he could understand what was happening, a flood of sounds and images spiraled around him, too loud and bright, to the point of making him feel nauseated.

The images turned white, and suddenly he was in the kitchen of his house, seeing his old dog convulsing on the ground as he died from liver failure. The image changed to his father’s cold eyes, as he passed by him with an annoyed sigh, as if he was the worst disappointment of his life. The voice of his mother saying he had always been a “problem child”. Children at school calling him a “fag”. Teenagers at school calling him a “criminal”. The bitter and suffocating feeling of loneliness.

The scenery changed. A prison cell turned into an interrogation room, and with it came a wave of pain and despair. Voices laughed at his pain, as he struggled to free himself. His interrogator said it wasn’t going to end, that he’d be trapped there forever, and he would do whatever the fuck he wanted to him. At some point, the interrogator became Akechi. “ _Why are you so scared, Kurusu?_ _”._ Akechi’s friendly face gave place to a distorted smile as he pointed a gun to his head. _“Could it be… You really thought we were friends?”_ A high-pitched laugh, loud enough to make his head hurt. _“You should have expected this from the beginning”._

A loud sound. Pain. Blood. Everything became black again.

He was dying.

“ _Joker!”_

That familiar voice felt like warm hands reaching for him in that void, trying to take him out of it.

_Futaba_ _…?_

“ _Joker, come back!”_

_Morgana?_

As they called for him, that dark place he was in started to crumble. He blinked a few times, and soon that pair of worried faces came into focus.

“What—”

A sharp pain took his head, making his vision go white for a second. His legs lost their strength, and he fell on his knees.

“Are you alright?” asked Futaba, crouching beside him.

“I… I don’t know,” he glanced around, seeing his other companions paralyzed in place, with glassy eyes and terrified expressions. “Why is everyone…?”

“They’ve been hit by that thing, just like you,” she explained.

“I was hit too,” said Morgana. “It took me to a strange dream… Was it the same to you?”

“Yeah…” Akira looked at the cat, still confused. “How did you…?”

“I’m already used to having bad dreams…” Morgana explained briefly. “It wasn’t enough to hold me for long.”

“Mona…” muttered Futaba.

But, before she could ask any questions, Morgana proceeded.

“Either way, I’ve killed the shadow with Oracle’s help, but you were all still trapped. You’re the first one we managed to bring back.”

It was clear he didn’t want to touch that subject, so Akira didn’t question him any further. Futaba didn’t insist on it either.

“Let’s keep trying, then,” said Akira.

“Alright,” said Morgana. “I’ll try to wake Noir, her Amrita Shower could be useful right now.”

“I’ll see Fox and Queen,” Futaba glanced at those two, who were close to each other. “Joker, try to help Panther and Skull!”

“Got it.”

Saying that, Akira turned to Ryuji and Ann, who had been fighting side by side, close to himself. Akira approached Ryuji first, placing a hand on his boyfriend’s face, giving it a light tap.

“Skull?” he called. “Can you hear me?”

There was no reaction. Akira bit his lip and turned his attention to Ann.

“Panther!” he called. “Are you listening?”

As soon as he touched her shoulder, she jolted, a loud scream leaving her throat.

“Shiho!”

She almost fell to the ground, but Akira held her in place. A feeling of relief took his chest.

“You’re back…” he said.

Ann’s widened, terrified eyes turned to him.

“Akira…?” she said with a trembling voice. “Where… Where is Shiho?”

“She’s fine,” Akira reassured her. “She’s in the real world, and we’re in Mementos, remember? It was just a dream.”

“A dream…?” she repeated. “I… I saw her dying… Oh my God, Akira…”

Tears formed in her eyes, and Akira gave her a comforting hug.

“It’s alright,” he said in a gentle voice. “It’s over now. Shiho is safe, and so are you.”

“What was that, then?”

Akira briefly explained to her the situation with that strange shadow. It helped Ann calm down, and as soon as she recomposed herself, they both turned their attention to Ryuji.

“Is he still trapped in that dream?” she asked. “We… We have to help him!”

Akira agreed, placing both hands on his shoulders.

“Skull…” he called. “Hey, Skull… It’s me.”

Ryuji’s mouth opened, and, for a moment, Akira felt a wave of relief. However, his eyes were still distant, and the words that left his lips were low and disconnected, as if spoken during a dream.

“Don’t…” he sounded terrified. “Stay… away… Leave her… alone…”

Akira felt his heart sink as he saw tears starting to form in his eyes.

“Skull, it’s okay…” he said in a gentle voice, touching his cheek.

But Ryuji flinched in response, as if Akira’s touch burned his skin.

“Don’t… touch me…!”

As he moved away from Akira’s hand, his body lost its balance. Akira grabbed him by the arms, to stop him from falling, and a loud, panicked scream left his throat, as he struggled to get away.

‘’No… No…! Stop… Stop it!”

Akira retreated by instinct, and Ryuji fell on the floor, curling into a ball, crying among hasty, shallow breaths.

“What’s wrong with him?” asked Ann.

“I don’t know!” Akira kneeled beside him, unsure of what to do. He didn’t want to touch him again and risk worsening the situation, but, at the same time, he couldn’t leave him in that nightmare any longer. “Skull… Skull, can you hear me? It’s me… Please, come back!”

Akira leaned in his direction, holding his face with both hands, making Ryuji look at him.

“Skull!”

“Stop it!”

Ryuji raised his fist, punching the side of Akira’s face. He let out a pained groan, feeling the bitter taste of blood. _Shit_ _… That hurt._

“Joker!” Ann crouched beside him. “Are you alright?”

Only part of Akira’s brain registered that question. He looked at Ryuji, who gasped for air while cowering in fear, and just couldn’t bear to watch it anymore. His instincts told him to hold him in his arms, but instead, he lied down beside him, close, but not enough to touch.

“Ryuji…” he called in a low, comforting voice.

Ryuji was still crying, but there wasn’t a negative response to that.

“It’s me…” he proceeded. “You can hear my voice, right? I’m here with you…”

His breathing seemed to calm down a little. Carefully, Akira reached for his head, caressing his short hair with the tip of his fingers. Ryuji didn’t try to move away, so Akira got a little closer to him, cupping his face, letting their foreheads touch.

“Don’t worry…” he said. “No one’s going to hurt you anymore. You’re safe.”

Ryuji’s hand reached for the one on his face, holding it with some strength. He blinked a few times, seeming a little confused, before his eyes met his partner’s.

“A… Akira…?”

Akira smiled at him, feeling his chest become lighter. Ryuji simply stared at him for a while, and it was possible to see in his expression the effort he was making to understand the situation.

“I thought I was…” he started to say, interrupting himself. “I don’t know what…”

He stopped talking again.

“It’s alright,” said Akira. “It was just a nightmare.”

Ryuji nodded, closing his eyes. He sobbed, squeezing Akira’s hand to the point it was painful. He didn’t complain, though, waiting until his boyfriend calmed down. Ryuji opened his eyes again, looking at Akira, frowning a little.

“Your mouth is bleeding…” he said.

“Ah…” Akira instinctively averted his eyes. “Yeah.”

“What happened to…?”

He cut his phrase as he put the pieces together, widening his eyes.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” he said, jolting up. “I didn’t mean to—”

Akira sat down as well, looking at him.

“It’s okay,” he said. “It wasn’t your fault. How are you feeling?”

“I’m…” He hesitated a little. “I’m fine. What happened?”

Akira only noticed the others were close to them when Morgana answered that question.

“We were hit by some weird shadow,” he said. “We’ve all been trapped in some kind of dream, except for Futaba.”

“The perks of having your own UFO, I guess,” she shrugged, in a clear attempt to lighten the mood.

“Ah… Yeah.”

Ryuji lowered his eyes, his mind still seeming distant. His expression was tired and devoid of any of that bright energy, so typical of him. More than anything, Akira wanted to pull him close and guarantee that everything would be alright, but before he could even say a word, the distant, chilling sound of chains being dragged against the floor made his blood freeze.

“The Reaper…” he said.

The group exchanged brief, urgent glances.

“We have to go, now!” said Ann.

Without wasting time, Morgana changed to his car form.

“Get inside, everyone!”

They did, and Makoto guided Morgana to the upper floor. The sound became distant, until it disappeared, and, even so, they didn’t stop until they were back at the entrance. For a long time, they simply stood there, in silence, each Phantom lost within his own version of that nightmare.

“I think we should go back for today,” said Morgana. “Neither of us seem to be in condition to keep fighting.”

“That’s true…” agreed Ann.

They briefly said their goodbyes, until only Akira, Ryuji, Futaba and Morgana were left. After hesitating for a while, Ryuji approached Akira.

“Hey, dude…” he said in a low voice. “Is it okay if we talk a little?”

“Sure.”

Saying that, Akira turned to face the other two.

“Do you two mind going on ahead?” he asked.

“Nope,” said Futaba with a smile. “Super Futaba can ride a train on her own, no problem. I might even buy some snacks on the way.”

“Just don’t be late,” added Morgana.

Akira placed his wallet on his pocket, giving Futaba his bag, with Morgana inside. He watched as they walked to the turnstile, disappearing from view. Then, he turned his attention to Ryuji.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” he asked.

Ryuji shrugged.

“I dunno… Anywhere is fine.”

Akira nodded, then guided him to a small café located nearby, where they could sit down and have some privacy. He ordered two hot cocoas, and they chose a fairly isolated seat near to the back wall.

For a few minutes, Ryuji didn’t say anything, staring at his own mug, using the small plastic spoon to draw circles on the hot beverage. Akira watched him in silence, giving him some time to organize his thoughts. When he finally spoke, his voice was low.

“When I was in that dream, I saw my old man.”

“I thought so,” said Akira.

Ryuji nodded, taking a sip of his drink, a little distracted.

“But, the thing is…” he proceeded after a moment. “It was him, but then, suddenly, he was me. I saw myself hurting my mom, and you, and the guys… I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t… It was stronger than me.”

A long, tired sigh left his lips.

“Then, when I woke up, I realized I had hurt you, and it was like…” he made a pause, fidgeting with a paper napkin, before giving up on finding the right words. “I’m so sorry, Aki…”

“I said it wasn’t your fault,” answered Akira. “You didn’t hit me because you wanted to.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Ryuji,” said Akira in a calm, but firm voice. “You know how that place, and those shadows affect us. How many times have we hurt each other by accident?” he lowered his eyes. “You know it happened to all of us before, including myself… So, why should it be worse just because it happened to you?”

Ryuji stayed silent for a long while.

“I don’t know…” he said. “I think those things I saw just… Messed with me pretty bad.”

Saying that, he let out a brief, humorless laugh.

“Damn,” he said, “will I ever get over that shit? I feel so stupid…”

“It’s not stupid.”

“Nah, you’re just being nice,” a light, tired smile appeared on his lips, only to disappear in the next moment. “But the worse thing is thinking I’ll end up like that asshole. Even now, I get scared just to think about it.”

“You won’t,” assured Akira in a serious tone. “You’re different from your father.”

“Am I really?”

He sounded so dejected that Akira was taken aback for a moment.

“Ryuji—”

“Hey, Akira…” Ryuji looked at him with serious eyes. “If I ever become an asshole like him… I mean,” he averted his gaze, “if I ever try to hurt you, or anyone… Could you, I don’t know, punch my stupid face until I learn my lesson?”

Akira wanted to repeat to Ryuji that he wasn’t like his father, until it went through that thick skull of his, and shoved all of his insecurities out of the way. But still, he knew that wasn’t what Ryuji wanted — or needed — to hear at that moment.

“Just leave it to me,” he said, cracking his knuckles with a playful smile. “No one messes with my Ryuji, even if it’s Ryuji himself. I’ll beat you to a pulp.”

A hint of amusement took Ryuji’s face.

“Hey, you don’t need to look that happy about it, y’know?” he said.

“I’m just happy to be of help.”

“Yeah, yeah… Sure thing,” a small, brief laugh escaped his lips, and he added in a low tone: “You little shit.”

Akira felt a light kick on his leg, and retributed with a chuckle.

“But, really,” proceeded Ryuji, “thanks for listening to me. Sometimes I just start worryin’ about it, and what happened in Mementos just… Y’know, made it worse.”

“I understand.”

Akira reached for Ryuji’s hand, caressing it.

“Listen, Ryuji…” he said in a lower voice. “You’re better than him.”

“I sure hope so…”

“I’m serious,” insisted Akira. “You’re an amazing guy. You’re strong and kind, and is always caring about everyone, and doing whatever you can to help. Sometimes you even do things you don’t need to… If I start counting every time you helped me, or made me feel better when all this shit got to me, I’d be here until morning.”

Ryuji kept his eyes on his half-empty mug, and Akira squeezed his hand to call his attention.

“I know you’re scared,” he proceeded, “but… Really, you’re not like that. You’re better than you think.”

Ryuji let out a short, humorless laugh, shaking his head.

“You trust me too much,” he said.

“Of course I do,” agreed Akira. “Wouldn’t want anyone but Ryuji Sakamoto to stay by my side, and guard my back when I need,” he made a brief pause, showing a light smile. “Or to make me feel loved and happy as I’ve never been in my life.

Ryuji looked at him, and his expression brightened as he giggled, trying to hide it by covering his face with his hand.

“Damn, Akira…” he said. “That’s so fucking corny and sweet. Shit, I can’t stop smiling now…”

“Just doing my job,” answered Akira.

Ryuji looked at him, and the smile on his face was so soft and sweet that Akira had to control himself not to get up from his seat, lean forward and kiss him. Ryuji turned his hand upward, so he could hold Akira’s.

“Man,” he said in a low tone, “you’re more than I deserve…”

Akira frowned at those words.

“Ryuji, shut up,” he said. “If you keep dragging yourself down like that, next time I’ll fucking punch you.”

Ryuji raised his brow, a playful smile lingering in his lips.

“I thought you’d say you’d kiss me…” he said.

“Maybe when you stop being so hard on yourself.”

His answer made Ryuji sigh dramatically, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, okay…” he said. “Man, you’re so demanding.”

“I’m sorry for caring about you, you prick.”

“Asshole.”

This time, Akira was the one kicking him under the table. Ryuji simply looked at him, then, after a second of consideration, got up, sitting beside Akira, leaning against him, placing his boyfriend’s arm over his own shoulders.

“Weren’t you shy about PDA?” asked Akira in an amused tone.

“I don’t care about this shit right now…” grumbled Ryuji. “You make me feel better.”

Akira smiled to himself, giving Ryuji’s head a brief kiss.

“Good to know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic, kudos and comments are highly appreciated! ♥


End file.
